color me in

your colors seep into
every fiber of my being
once a blank slate,
now exalted by your light &
enhanced by your darkness,
i'm drawn into you

enraptured in your charm &
seduced by your smile,
you melt into the woven cloth
of my existence
sparing no blank space
no piece of me left without,
conquering all my doubt
i'm drawn into you

delicately you stroke
your pigments of intent
by blending hues of purpose
brushing onto me by steady hands
palms i want to hold
body to keep me warm
a soul held with promise
drawing with your eyes
you color me in

our bliss is the spotlight
that will shine on this
monument of you and me
in your corner, there i'll be
victoriously by your side
for this canvas that you cherish
where i will remain
drawn into you


-kristi lane

damaged goods

I’ve had many boys in my ring but no man in my corner
I’ve set people at ease but I’ve never been left calmer
I’ve had palms across my face but no hands to embrace
I’ve sprinted towards allegiance but left alone at the race
I’ve had words pour poison but no distilled voice of worth
I’ve held people in the clouds but never levitated off the earth
I’ve had promises wrapped with ribbon but no offering to obtain
I’ve been let down but never led up to sustain
I’ve been merciful but left with out vindication
I’ve desired love but been bestowed under condition
I’ve given chances but I’ve never been risked
I’ve been forgotten but I’ve never been missed
I’ve felt the heat of the sun but no warmth on my skin
I loved people for who they ought to be not for who they are within
I’ve been loyal to storms that don’t end in my kiss
I’ve plunged all-in only to be submerged in an abyss
I’ve fallen for facades that bear no home
I’ve had people beside me but I’ve always felt alone
I’ve been filled with vacancies that keep me hollow
I’ve stood behind a leader but with no one to follow
I’ve relied on others who won’t keep me fulfilled
I’ve been knocked down yet I always rebuild
I prioritized strangers leaving myself on the shelf
I’ve been a lot for others but never enough for myself

-kristi lane

alluring deception

stood naked before you
all that i am, true
my heart in my hand
conveying it to you
the ghost of a man

drowning in poison
i didn't know then
all your grand gestures
were played by the actors
it wasn't you there

you argued with voices
you wanted & chose to
screaming your life doubt
punching the walls out
but i was right there

you cherished the bottle
pushing full throttle
angry at strangers
kept me in danger
until you fell there

the lies & the cheating
you kept my heart bleeding
choking in air like a sauna
you searched for the trauma
wanting to live there

stuck in this cycle
we lived in denial
you promised me better
then went & felt her
gone, i no longer was there

-kristi lane

22KILL

I have just became a Battle Buddy/Advocate for Military Veterans and will take possible crisis calls, emails and etc. 

22kill is a global movement created by veterans who honor who serve(d), raise awareness to veteran suicide and mental health issues such as PTS and TBI. 

They recruit Veteran Advocates (battle buddies) and empower veterans through programs at Honor Courage Commitment, Inc. 

I hold veterans dear to my heart and have several in my family. 

 

My father was a sergeant first class of the Texas Army National Guard for over 17 years. He was a battalion master gunner/assistant operation sergeant. 

As y'all know, I'm soon to graduate from the University of Texas at Dallas (who is also an advocate for the 22kill organization) with my degree in Psychology & a minor in Neuroscience. 

I offer an open heart, compassion & respect of all people, veterans & their families. 

Please join me and become part of Team #22KILL. 

💜💜💜💜💜 

Love,

Kristi

The veteran community needs our support. www.22kill.com/veterans-advocate

Broken Together

We are all broken people walking amongst this earth 

Scattered fragments not knowing our worth 

Our puzzle of people entangle with the few 

Some of the pieces we hardly even knew 

Our shards will never be fully whole 

There are no edges or corners to be full 

But do not fear the puzzle of the broken those 

We will never be missing, for we are sprinkled all over the globe

Don't lose sight of the ones you'll never find

Our puzzle is complete made up out of the humankind 

                       -k.l.

No Pretense, No Deception

No one said life was easy. It is not meant to be effortless and tranquil. Lessons are learned somatic and independently. Simple or daunting, without us physically and emotionally go through them we might not ever feel the sense of triumph once we finally make it over our barriers in life. Notice the term ‘our’: our barriers are our own. There is no reason to drag other people into them. Please don’t mistake this for having someone to lean on through rough times or the occasionally venting. With that said there is no need to drag other people across our mountains that we need to climb ourselves.

I have made my own excuses and I have heard the excuses of other people.  But what is an excuse? Justifications and rationalizations are only used to perjure you self as an excuse. For example, say you’re getting ready for a test and once you take it you find that you have made a bad grade… Then you complain and make up excuses like, “the test was too hard” or “the teacher tried to trick us with the questions”. When in all reality you should have just studied more or take responsibility for your lack of studying productively. It is painless to deposit the blame on someone else who is out of your control.

So, how come we like to place impugn on someone else other than ourselves?  This could be for multiple reasons like the relocation of guilt. If it is not on ourselves we then feel more virtuous. This is only localized and provisional. Our stomachs twist up and our shoulders feel as if they were carrying countless amounts of weights on our shoulders when we hold inside the truth. Maybe if we all started to accept our own accountability's then we can progress ourselves into decent independently responsible human beings. I believe that we all know the right and wrong answer. Sometimes we chose the wrong because perhaps it is unexpected. Taking the wrong route isn’t necessarily the iniquitous move to play. We have choices and we can chose whichever option we have freely. I only plead you to accept them as your own measures and if or when it blows up in our faces only we are at blame.

I believe that we are our only devil. Only we can shape who we are and how we act. The lessons we learn in life are to guide us in the direction of the best of ourselves. So, it’s okay to plummet, plunge and tremble. Only if we pick ourselves back up and understand what made us fall and learn from it instead of displacing the blame of our own tumble onto someone who is easy to blame. We are capable of falling before the climb and we are capable of drowning in our own defy.  We can bend and not break, but when we do fracture, our opportunity is to recover quickly and make ourselves ready to take on our next barrier. So remember who took that fall, remember who displaced the blame. Remember the lessons attached to that descend, lie, or circumstance.  Sometimes we mess up, sometimes we make contrite decisions. But they can merely benefit us in the prospects of our lives if we let it. Perceiving responsibility does not mean to live your life in pretense. Only to interpret the choices and decisions as a lesson to be learned that can only improve ourselves. 

-Kristi Lane